My 1st Ever Blog

How exciting! My first ever blog. So many mommies on DS blog, and I love reading theirs so here is mine.

This is likely to be an intersting journey for anyone who wants to take the ride. My husband, Wes, and I are in the process of trying to conceive our first child! This is our first cycle trying. Not to sound pessimistic (and maybe this is normal...I don't know), but I just don't think it's worked this time around. I wonder if other people feel that way. I won't at all be surprised to take our first HPT and see a BFN!! I want to see PREGNANT!! (I'm digitally testing.) But I just don't feel like that will be the case. Maybe it's just my way of keeping myself from getting my hopes up. Who knows.

...This is much more therapeutic than I thought it would be...It's like a cleansing of the heart...

I just want to be a mother so badly. It's been my only real ambition my whole life. I only went to college because that would be a way to provide for my family if...Heaven forbid...something were to happen to my husband. My life's goal has always been to raise a healthy, happy, Christian family. I sure hope it doesn't take us long to get there.

For a long time I was VERY jealous of other mothers. Actually, the day my sister-in-law went into labor with my sweet nephew, I spent a LOT of time in the bathroom crying. I knew that we were not in the right place to start our family. We needed more time and stability, and I wanted to do everything I could right by my unborn, unconceived baby. But that didn't make it hurt any less. The jealousy stung.

It's not the same anymore and hasn't been for a short while. I am happy for other women who are pregnant or who have sweet newborns or goofy toddlers, even though deep down I wish it was me.

BUT...

Now we are on our way to that happy family. Just as soon as we get that PREGNANT reading!! I have 6 tests in the drawer waiting. I'm so consumed by BABY it's almost sickening:)

Please keep us in your prayers if you read this. I'm praying harder than I ever have.